Ashes 06/07 Not long now... - Web Blog - Fanatics - the world's biggest events

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Ashes 06/07 Not long now...

So there’s around a month until the first Ashes test and now that the inconvenience of the Champions Trophy has been all but dealt with - thanks to Steve Harmison deliberately bowling like machine gun held by an American soldier (i.e. inaccurately). Now, the England boys can stop pretending to focus on the Champions trophy and switch their attention to keeping hold of that little urn.

No doubt you guys would have been buoyed by the comfortable win over England in said tournament. But to honest, we really couldn’t care less. One day international cricket in England is seen as irrelevant as a raincoat in the Sahara. We knew you would win, the result was as predictable as an Australian player answering a question with the word “Look”.

Over the coming weeks I will be providing some updates for you Aussies on the English perspective of just how badly the tour is going.

But how do us Pommes feel about the upcoming series?

Well, rather optimistic actually. Destiny seems to be swinging it our way. The whole of England sniggered upon hearing the news of Matthew “Caveman” Hayden breaking a finger and then being bitten by a dog followed by the news of Shane “Schoolboy features” Watson contracting gastritis. It all reminds us of a certain fast (well, not that fast) bowler stepping on a cricket ball before the Edgbaston test last year, and we all know what happened then.

Plus we know we must be in with a chance when you guys have to go to an army camp to “bond”. I mean what exactly does pulling a broken-down van teach you about playing test cricket against England? Apart from it being a big struggle of course.

And then there’s our team, well we all know we’ll be without Michael Vaughan, Simon Jones and hopefully Ashley Giles (I wonder how you guys would fair without Punter, Pigeon and fatty Warne). But we still have big Fred, Grievous Bodily Harmison (still got the scar from Lords, Punter?) Ian Bell, (who can now bat, and has hit a few consecutive hundreds to prove it) Kevin Pietersen, (everyone’s favourite South African – who Warne will drop deliberately because he doesn’t want to lose his only friend) and who could forget Monty Panesar – the best finger spinner in the world – who yes we know can’t bat and can’t catch (but hey, you guys are liable to a bit of fielding blunders too as you showed us last year – Michael “Puppy” Clarke, Jesus Gillespie, Damien Martyn, Kasprowicz et al)

Over the coming weeks I thought I’d update you with the players likely to make an Ashes debut this summer/ winter. First this week.

Chris Read – Wicketkeeper.

Famously bowled by a full Chris Cairns slower ball which he DELIBERATELY ducked underneath.
Can’t bat as well as Geraint Jones (!), but can catch better plus he’s actually English.
Short and irritating like all wicket keepers. Once had a tooth knocked out behind the stumps, put it in his pocket and carried on. He really is that tough!

More to come next week... check my website on
Wed 25/10/2006 Chris Clarke 606 views

2 Comments about this article

  • Clarkey - you pommie bastard!

    I hope Gerraint Jones gets the nod over Read - we will tear Jones apart when he gets his regular case of the dropsies! I look forward to the next installment.

    Posted by James Ashton Thu Oct 26, 2006 03:05pm AEST
  • I always thought that it was a negitive factor if you where English and wanted to play cricket for England?

    Posted by Phillip Malone Mon Nov 13, 2006 03:57pm AEST

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