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We'll be singing, even if your winning

Just over 3 weeks to go, and the fans on both sides are warming up the vocal chords and might I add, the Australian chants suck. I found a couple of yours on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/6080386.stm

Cheer up Michael Vaughan,
How bad must it be,
To a be a poor pommie whinger,
And you're watching on TV?

A poor pommie whinger? Hah, I remember a certain ricky ponting whinging when he was comically run out by a certain Gary Pratt at Trent Bridge. Plus Vaughan won’t be watching on TV, he’ll be in Australia laughing.

Then there’s this one:

Monty Panesar's useless,
A poor old English chap,
And when he's not spin bowling,
No fan will ever clap. <- actually monty gets the biggest ovations from the crowd EVERY time he touches the ball
He's useless in the covers,
He's useless in the slips, <- he doesn’t field in the slips, so why chant that
And when he straps the pads on,
He'll pass out with the yips. <- oh I see what you’ve done

One question, why aren’t there any parodies of Australian bands like Jet and AC/DC, oh I know why, because they’re both extremely crap. You see we have the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Oasis, The Clash, Sex Pistols….

Here is a Barmy Army chant, hopefully this will inspire you to write some decent chants

(To the tune of "Yellow Submarine")

In the town where I was born, there lived a man who was a thief
And he told me of his life, stealing bread and shagging sheep.
So they put him in the nick, and then a magistrate he went to see
He said "put him on a ship, to the convict colony"
You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony
You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony

So England left India with a win over the West Indies, while Australia remain in the Champions Trophy, wasting energy and hopefully gaining injuries. Well the Champions Trophy has at least provided us Pommes with the opportunity to check out some of your new guys and I must say “Meh –nothing special”.

Firstly Nathan Bracken looks a girl who belongs in Neighbours, and bowls at a girls pace too. He appears to be more liable to shout “Rack off Toadie, you sleeze” than “Owzat”.

Mitchell Johnson, well what can you say about a man who has a ball bearing attached to his lip and two surnames in his name? But hey you guys must be encouraged with the two youth findings, bringing your squads average age down to 31 from 32, wow. Will you be running on to the Brisbane square or hobbling? Do the old guys have enough in the tank for 25 days of cricket? Well if one of them breaks down at least they had the experience of shifting decrepit machinery from the bush.


Sajid Mahmood – Fast Bowler

Can bowl at 90 MPH, but likes to pitch it nearer the umpire than the batsmen, the square leg umpire that is.
His cousin is Olympic boxing hero Amir Kahn, so I wouldn’t give him any grief on the boundary. Dismissed Gilchrist and Ponting in his first innings against Australia.
Wed 01/11/2006 Chris Clarke 1624 views

8 Comments about this article

  • Sigh.. another lame english posts, with witty insults such as 'Nathan Bracken looks a girl' ouch what a stinger, sure hope he didn't read that one, oh the trauma...
    But with such a limp, pathetic post i though this was the most entertaining

    'So England left India with a win over the West Indies, while Australia remain in the Champions Trophy, wasting energy and hopefully gaining injuries

    yeah we left with the trophy,something england hasn't done in a long,long,well never

    5-0 anyone?

    Posted by Peter Robinson Tue Nov 14, 2006 11:52pm AEST
  • Sajid Mahmood – Fast Bowler
    well you even bagged him so enough said, but with such a english name as mahmood i'm sure he's up to the english high standards of ronnie irani and the other blokes your drag off the streets, say he's 50 quid if you play for us.

    face it, the only englishman who could possibly make the australian team would be freddy, possibly peterson, but wait, he's south african....

    can you at least get some english players not these ring in from india and pakistan

    Posted by Peter Robinson Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:01am AEST
  • hi peter, thanks for your comments, you do realise that i am only joking in all of these comments as for the asia comment, you do realise that both of these guys were born in england, albeit to immigrant parents, its not the uk's fault so many people want to come here, after all our bars are full of aussie barmen.
    NEWSFLASH - trescothick leaves tour because he's got a virus - a virus telling him the urn is staying in aus.

    Posted by Chris Clarke Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:05am AEST
  • Chris here's another Aussie song that sucks about your Barmy Army, to the tune of Land Of Hope and Glory; Your loud and ugly and boring.
    Your mother charged a fee.
    How shall we endure thee,
    when your full of pee.
    Wider still and wider,
    expands your mighty girth.
    We all hope and pray,
    that you all get stuck in Perth.

    Posted by Lindsay Brien Wed Nov 15, 2006 06:04pm AEST
  • watever go back to your country and keep off our Aussie webpage

    Posted by Grace Johns Wed Nov 22, 2006 01:56pm AEST
  • To the tune of "We are Australian"

    You Are Poms
    and you are smelly
    fromma Small
    drizzly isle you come
    you think you're here to win the Ashes,
    You are, by far,

    Posted by Dan Hansen Wed Nov 22, 2006 07:10pm AEST
  • thanks for that one dan, shame it doesnt rhyme, but good try.
    To Grace - for your information, i am in my country - by the way it was a round world last time i looked. Does that mean we can send Harry Kewell and all the Aussie county players back to you??

    Posted by Chris Clarke Thu Nov 23, 2006 03:19am AEST
  • flintoff is a one series wonder but i do have to agree with the stinky pom our songs suck.after going to the boxing day test the barmy army kicked our arse.hope the song master can get some respectable songs for the world cup

    Posted by Joel Mott Tue Jan 02, 2007 07:29pm AEST

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